AMDG, Life with My Crab, MOMMYHOOD, TH Wedding

WEDDING ANNIVERSARY IN THE TIME OF PANDEMIC

In the 10 years since we met and now the 7 years since we married, it’s been something every year. Every single year. It’s like we are on the crazy train on a fast track. I will illustrate here:

Dating
Cohabitating
Engaged
Married
First-time parents
Relocation, first-time home owners
Miscarriage
Birth of second child, loss of a parent
Relocation, cohabitating with family
First-time home renovation, return to work
COVID-19 global pandemic

A superstitious person is anxious about year seven of marriage–so I am hoping “the Virus Crisis” is our thing for this year. It may be the thing for next year too. It also makes me anxious.

Between this big moment (ten years together and seven years married) and less “busy-ness” leaving (way too much) space for inner dialogue, I’ve been ruminating over my thoughts and taking stock of our life in the midst of COVID-19.

Where have we been?

  • See illustration above.
  • I am reminded of our wedding and the baptism of our kids when I work, and it always feels like a million moons ago. Do we look like those same people? Are we washed-up has beens?
  • Yes, we left Texas to be closer to family and my support system. Right about now that seems like a moot point–whether we live here or there, we aren’t with them.
  • Then T suggests that if we had stayed in Texas, we would have a pool and a renovated (huge) kitchen to enjoy in quarantine…

Where are we now?

  • We certainly did not envision spending so much time in our 1,200 sq ft home living, working, and playing. Between, school, work, activities and freedom to move about, our home would be more like a crash pad. Does that mean we made a bad decision?
  • The current instability is unsettling, especially for those of us used to the comfort of planning and predictability (a privilege). I’m becoming more self-aware of my control impulses and anxiety management. Interfacing with couples who were planning weddings and parents arranging baptisms puts me on the other side of the fence, being asked questions to which there are no definitive answers (but demanding answers anyway–which I get).

Where are we going?

My church friend (who was previously the Wedding Madam) reminded me today that a favorite priest loves to say, “we plan and God laughs”. So is planning for our future futile? It does seem like a missed lesson from this “press pause” to try to exert control over what cannot be controlled. But YEAH RIGHT! then my anxious mind would have nothing to think about. Examples:

  • We must provide stability for our kids
  • I do not know if we can settle down, make any long-terms decisions about school, home, job or our life anytime soon, or be those people who stay in the same place for 20, 30, 40, 50 years
  • I am always changing my mind, but…
AMDG

We’re Moving Home for Holy Trinity

This past weekend was the most beautiful anniversary mass at our church, celebrating 225 years of Jesuits on Holy Hill. Envision this special celebration as high, festive mass with smells and pagentry and organ music, and packed from wall to wall.

As part of the anniversary year, a special monthly bulletin was produced to share memories and histories of our parish. Upon joining the staff, I was encouraged to write about my own entanglement with Holy Trinity, and it was published in the final issue. Sharing here.

Because of this reflection, the anniversary manager asked me to bring the gifts forward at the Founders Day Mass with my family.

Unintentionally and unrelated, we ended up sitting in the front row of the “overflow” section that is literally right next to the altar. The kids had a great view and we were right in the middle of the mass, seeing all the altar action up close and personal–it was awesome. I’d add this past Sunday to THE LIST of Special Occasions and Memories at Holy Trinity. I am so glad we are home.

Life at the Hall

Firmly on the Precipice of New

Once I worked with someone who was really into “back to school, back to basics” as a way to set a work refresh after Labor Day when the kids went back to school.

My kids aren’t back to school yet, and we have been in transition for basically a year now and the clock is still ticking, so it’s premature to make great proclamations or cast grand aspersions. Call this my rough draft.

Starting a New School Year at a New School

I don’t have new school clothes for the kids (much less having unpacked from our trip). I don’t like the backpacks I purchased. I don’t have a nanny, or an au pair (East Coast for “nanny”). I don’t have the super rad longtail bike that I want, which my mother thinks is unsafe and my husband doubts my ability to ride.

And yet, come Monday, they start school. What are you going to do about, Mom? Word to the wise–don’t hold your breath.

Wrapping up the Past

The Last Year

Our school for the past year has been nothing short of wonderful.

In a parting appreciation letter, I wrote I would send him there through 12th grade, if I could. However, it can’t be our forever school because it’s a preschool and the youngest class is for 2.5 years old, which means Little Miss could not go there for another year, and it’s in Arlington, which is a non-starter because hypothetically we are moving into the condo before Christmas (and with any luck before Halloween).

Our Time in Texas

Master O and I went back to Texas for a long weekend this past weekend. It made my head swirl and spin.

I don’t have the ending worked out in my head, but the weekend gave me the closing chapters. A year has given me space (despite continuing to be in transition here) to be able to respect my feelings and thoughts about living there. But it also broke my heart–I love my friends there.

Marie Kondo on Life

When we move into the condo, we will wish that we had a POD SALE–instead of moving all of our furniture and belongings into the condo, that we sold them all. Kind of schizophrenic but if we have lived this past year without it, and we can’t remember what is in it, do we need it? Besides, we need a fresh start in this new space.

In all of this searching and wandering, I feel I am getting old.

What I may have “made the best of it” in a previous year, I now can’t let myself entertain what does not work for our narrow parameters. While I joined the DC Moms Blog in January, I’ve resigned this month. While the condo board has many seats available, there’s no chance I can waste time or energy with that. I don’t need to start new hobbies or activities–I don’t have it in me any longer. New endings to make space for new starts.

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